Many people don’t come right out and tell you that they are struggling with worthiness and not feeling enough. How does this typically show up in the clients you work with?
Saying I am not earning enough, I am not doing enough, I am not there enough, I am not present enough, I am always working, I am always away/traveling, I am always too busy
How we communicate out loud is highly linked to how we are communicating within our head. I listen deeply to get a sense of how the client is speaking to themselves and the areas they are holding themselves back from seeing their worth, and ultimately from success and happiness
What would you share if you were coaching them when this happens?
I would ask them questions to get clear on what enough means to them. Where it is coming from? What the ideal situation would be if they could change it? I would ask them based on whose judgement? Whose expectations. Often (not always) we are trying to live up to perceived expectations we have from social media, friends/ colleagues’ lives. We never know the whole story, yet we are basing our ‘enoughness’ on an incomplete picture of someone else. I would invite them to consider noticing the places where they are ‘enough’ and having success/ positive feelings. What is different about those aspects of their life? I use reframing as a tool to help people see that there are often different ways to look at the same thing, and this help change their view of themselves in their world.
How does feeling worthy and enough connect to well-being?
Our well-being is impacted by our thinking. Physiologically it impacts the hormones floating through our body. Mentally, I see people boarding the train and riding the spiral of despair all the time. What they don’t realize is that there are actions they can take and better feeling thoughts. Our motivation, productivity and focus are higher when we are in a better state, this impacts our well-being. When we are feeling even a little bit better, we tend to move in a positive direction. When we are feeling low, we tend to choose actions that maintain that feeling. Sitting on the couch, eating poorly, scrolling endlessly on social and feeling worse and worse, leading to horrible thinking.
When you say ‘speak to yourself with kindness and compassion’ what do you mean and why is this important?
Awareness is the first step to change. If you want to change the level of worthiness you feel, first it is important to take stock of what you are thinking and saying to yourself all day long. How often are you saying the words, “need to, have to, should” indicating that you are feeling pressure, indicating that you are aiming to meet others expectations, indicating that you would rather be doing something else, indicating that what you are currently ‘doing/being’ isn’t quite measuring up. Speaking to yourself with kindness and compassion means shifting the statements you are saying to words of personal power, and choice. “ I get to , or I choose to” bring the action into a different frame of mind. This is an empowered and inspired state of being versus one that is forced, powerless, choiceless, and filled with pressure. This is important because how we speak to ourselves, is the most important voice. We listen to ourselves ALL day long and if we are filling our own minds and hearts with horrible messages, this deeply impacts our life and our well-being.
What strategies do you personally use to show yourself kindness and to remember you are enough?
I reframe my internal dialog quickly. I still catch myself saying or thinking mean things, but I am extremely quick to reframe to a better feeling thought. I do not stay in that space as long. The goal is to continue to shrink the amount of time you spend in the lower states of emotion. So when I catch myself saying “well you are dumb Amy”, I shift to “that was dumb” taking my heart out of the equation and then I shift to “how many times must this mistake be made for me to learn, how can I fix this, what can I do differently next time”. Then I aim to recap with a celebration.
I am surrounded by positive messaging. We know how powerful marketing is. Subliminally we are being marketed too all day everyday in every form of media. I choose to market positivity and empowerment messages to myself all day everyday. My office is filled with words that lift me, quotes, messages, images that inspire me.
For a time I wore a temporary tatoo that said “I am enough”. It was the visual reminder I needed at the time to move through a really dark space I was in. That was a truly powerful method of self marketing as it went everywhere with me.
Numerous photos throughout our house of happy moments and memories. This is a very powerful reminder that can remind us of what we are creating and the joy around us.
As this is the Blissful Living podcast, how does knowing you are enough and speaking kindly to yourself create a blissful life?
I believe that Blissful Living means being in a state of positivity as often as possible. Life has many hard moments. I believe learning how to love yourself and know that you are worthy and enough no matter what can be a source of great bliss.